“Yazı üreten sevinç bir coşkudur, bir kendinden geçmedir, bir değişim geçirmedir, bir aydınlanmadır, bir sarsılmadır, bir dönüşmedir… Yazma arzusunda tuhaf bir alışkanlık (manyaklık) vardır. Yazar, seyredilmesi komik bir kişidir. Arzusu kendisini sıkıştıran kişidir. Manyaklık derecesindeki arzunun gülünç bir yanı vardır… Yazmak kişisel ve özel olduğu ölçüde neredeyse hayvansal bir işlevdir. (Roland Barthes, Romanın Hazırlanışı – 2)”. Barthes’in önceki yorumları için (neyse!) diyelim, fakat son yorumdaki ‘hayvansal işlev’ yorumu kafamı karıştırdı, acaba ‘sadece kendime yazıyorum’ diyen yazarları mı eleştirmiş, çünkü düşünebilmenin, düşünüp yazabilmenin veya yaratabilmenin insanı diğer hayvanlardan ayıran temel özellik ve yeti olduğunu bilmiyor değil herhalde ya da her hayvan kişisel ve özeldir gibi bir mantıktan yola çıkmışsa yine sorunlu bir açıklamadır, mesela karınca veya bal arısı özel olsa da kişisel yaşam ve davranış açısından hiç de kişisel davranmıyorlar. Belki de ‘sadece kendine yazıyorsan, sadece seni ilgilendiriyorsa hayvanlarda da böylesi rutin bir tavır ve hayat vardır.’ demek istemiştir; bu da değilse belki de Barthes, kendini beğenmişlikle ilgili yazarları gölgede bırakan bir ukalalık içinde…
Proust: “Ağaçlar, diye düşündüm, bana söyleyeceğiniz bir şey kalmadı.” Bu cümle bana Alejandro Zambra’nın “Ağaçların Özel Hayatı” romanını hatırlattı nedense, ki Proust’a göre Şilili şair, romancı Alejandro Zambra daha dünün çocuğu sayılır (bu açıklama bir küçümseme olarak anlaşılmasın lütfen.) Proust: “Soğumuş kalbim sizi işitmiyor artık. Oysa tabiatın ortasındayım, ama gözlerim ışıklı alnınızı gölgeli gövdenizden ayıran çizgiyi kayıtsızca, sıkıntıyla kaydediyor. Kendimi şair zannettiğim olduysa da şimdi şair olmadığımı biliyorum. Belki hayatımın yeni başlayan bu kupkuru döneminde, tabiatın artık bana vermediği ilhamı insanlarda bulabilirim, ama tabiatı şarkılarımla övme ihtimalimin olduğu yıllar asla geri gelmeyecek. Ne var ki imkânsız bir ilhamın yerini tutacak bir insanlık gözlemi ihtimaliyle kendimi teselli ederken, aslında sadece bir teselli aradığımı ve bulduğum tesellinin hiçbir değerinin olmadığını kendim de biliyordum. Gerçekten bir sanatçı ruhuna sahip olsaydım, batan güneşle aydınlanan bu ağaçtan perde karşısında, neredeyse vagonun basamağına kadar yükselen bayırdaki küçük çiçeklerin karşısında kim bilir ne büyük bir haz duyar, taçyapraklarını sayabildiğim çiçeklerin rengini birçok değerli edebiyatçı gibi tarif etmekten kaçınırdım; insan hissetmediği bir hazzı okura aktarmayı umabilir mi? (Yakalanan Zaman, YKY Yayınları, s;150)” Bu metni neresinden ele alabileceğimizi doğrusu ben de bilmiyorum, ama kanımca şöyle bir analize gidebiliriz; yazar, hissedip okura hissettirebiliyorsa yazılan/söylenen olması gereken bir edebiyattır ve olması gereken yerdedir, ama yazar hissetmeden yazdıklarını okura yutturabiliyorsa bu popülist, alicengizvari bir numaradır.
Yazmak ve yazarlıkla ilgili filozof, deneme yazarı ve retorik sentezci Cioran’ın “Çürümenin Kitabı” isimli deneme kitabından, “Dehanın Söz Oyunu” başlıklı denemesini yorum yapmadan aktarmak istiyorum:
“Her ilham, bir abartma melikesinden gelir. Kelimeleri patlatırcasına şişiren o atılganlık olmasa, lirizm ve bütün metafor dünyası acınası bir kızışma olurdu. Kosmosun unsur ya da boyutları hallerimizi karşılaştırma hizmeti görmek için fazla sınırlı göründüklerine, şiir -potansiyellik ve elikulağındalık evresini aşmak için- ön belirtisi olan ve onu doğuran heyecanların biraz berraklaşmasını bekler yalnızca. Hiçbir hakiki ilham yoktur ki dünyadan daha engin bir ruhun anormalliğinden çıkmasın… Bir Shakespeare’in ve bir Shelley’nin sözlü yangınlarında, kelimelerin külünü hissederiz; bir evren yaratma imkânsızlığının düş kırıklığını ve kokusunu… Sözcükler, iç genleşmenin eşdeğerine hiçbiri ulaşamıyormuşçasına birbirlerinin ayağına dolanır; imge fıtığıdır bu, günlük kullanımdan doğmuş ve mucizevi bir biçimde kalbin yüksekliklerine çıkarılmış zavallı kelimelerin aşkın bir biçimde kopmasıdır. Güzelliğin hakikatleri, ufak bir çözümleme önünde korkunç ve gülünç oldukları ortaya çıkan abartmalarla beslenir. Şiir: Kelime haznesinin kozmogonik sayıklaması… Şarlatanlık ve vecd, bundan daha etkili bir biçimde birleştirilmiş midir? Yalan –gözyaşlarının kaynağı! Dehanın sahtekârlığı ve sanatın sırrı budur. Gök seviyesine kadar şişirilmiş hiçlikler; evreni üreten bir inanılmazlık! Çünkü her dehanın içinde, bir Marsilyalı’yla bir Tanrı beraber yaşar.”
Kozmogonik: Evrenin doğuşu, kökeni ile ilgilenen evrenbilim.
Vecd: Ruhun dünyevi gerçeklikten kurtulduğu coşkunluk (ekstaz) hali.
Marsilyalı: Marsilyalılar palavracılıklarıyla ünlüdür.
Şiirden söz açılmışken Proust’a yine kulak verelim: “Şairlerin cennette nafile aradığı bu temiz hava, ancak daha önce solunmuşsa bu derin yenilenme duygusunu yaşatabilir, çünkü gerçek cennetler kayıp cennetlerdir (Yakalanan Zaman, s:164)”
Şiirle ilgili Pessoa’yı da dinleyelim: “Güzelce hazırlandıktan sonra (…) içimizde dramlar belirebilir, bunlar bize yabancı, mükemmel dramlar olarak dizebedize oynanabilir. Onları yazmaya mecalimiz kalmamıştır belki… Ama zaten buna gerek olmayacaktır. İkinci kademeden yaratıcılar olabiliriz -içimizde yazmakta olan bir şair hayal edebiliriz, o belli bir tarz tuttururken, bir başkası da farklı türde yazacaktır… Bu konuda zirveye ulaşmış biri olarak, hepsi özgün ve farklı, sayısız şekilde yazabiliyorum.”. Pessoa’nın egosuna bakın! Yine de eyvallah… Devam edelim: “Bir tablo ve kişiler yaratıp hepsini aynı anda yaşadığımızda – hepsinin birbirine bağlanacağı, birbirini etkileyeceği şekilde, bütün bu ruhlar olduğumuzda, hayalin en üst mertebesine erişmişiz demektir. Bunun sonucunda zihin inanılmaz bir şekilde kişiliksizleşir, tozumsu bir küle döner; itiraf edeyim ki, varlığın tamamen tükenmesini engellemek de zordur… Ama öyle büyük bir zafer ki kazanılan!”
Şiir ve şair ile ilgili yine Cioran’a dönelim: “… Bir şairin yaşamı bir yere varamaz. Gücünü, girişmediği her şeyden, ulaşılmazlıkla beslenen tüm anlardan almaktadır. Var olmadaki mahsuru mu hissetti? Bu sayede ifade yeteneği sağlamlaşır, soluğu genleşir. Bir yaşam öyküsü ancak bir yazgının elastikliğini, içinde barındırdığı değişkenler tutarını bariz kılarsa meşru olur. Ama şair, katıldığı hiçbir şeyle yumuşamayan bir mukadderat çizgisini izler. Hayat zevzeklerin hissesine düşer ve yaşanmamış hayatlarına telafi sağlamak için şair yaşamöyküleri icat edilmiştir. Şiir ele geçirilemeyenin özünü ifade eder; nihai anlamı her tür ‘güncelliğin’ imkânsızlığıdır… Şair, kaçışı sırasında mutsuzluğunu beraberinde götürmese, iğrenç bir gerçek döneği olurdu. Mistiğin ya da bilgenin tersine, ne kendinden kurtulabilir ne de kendi saplantısının merkezinden kaçabilir: Vecdleri bile devasızdır ve felaket habercileridir. Kendini kurtarmayı beceremediğinden, onun için her şey mümkündür, kendi hayatı hariç… Hakiki bir şairi şundan tanırım: Onunla görüşe görüşe, eserinin mahremiyetinde uzun süre yaşayınca, içimde bir şeyler değişir; eğilimlerim ya da zevklerim filan değil, bizzat kanım; sanki içine ince bir dert sızmış, akışını, kıvamını ve vasfını değiştirmiştir… Şair, bir tahrip etkenidir, bir virüstür, kılık değiştirmiş bir hastalıktır ve harikulade biçimde belirsiz olmasına karşın alyuvarlarımız için en vahim tehlikedir… Mısra her şeye imkân tanırken, onun üzerine gözyaşlarınızı, utançlarınızı, vecdlerinizi -özellikle de yakınmalarınızı- dökebilirken, düzyazı içinizi dökmenize ya da ağlaşmanıza izin vermez; itibari soyutluğu bundan tiksinir. Başka hakikatler talep eder; denetlenebilir, tümdengelimli, ölçülü. Halbuki ya şiirin hakikatleri elinden alınsaydı, maddesi yağmalansaydı ve şairler kadar cüretkâr olunsaydı? Onların edepsizliği, aşağılanmaları, yüz buruşturmaları ve iç çekişleri neden sızdırılmasın söyleme? Neden çürümüş, kokuşmuş, ceset ya da daha kaba bir deyişle melek veya şeytan olunmasın ve onca havai ve uğursuz uçuşa duygusal olarak ihanet edilmesin? Zekânın cesareti ve kendi olma gözüpekliği, filozofların okulundan ziyade şairlerin okulunda öğrenilir… Bir gurur davranışıyla şöyle haykıran bir düşünür tahayyül ediyorum, ‘bir şairin benim düşüncelerimi kendi alınyazısı haline getirmesini isterdim, ama bu hevesinin meşru olması için bizzat onun da uzun süre şairlerle düşüp kalkması, onlardaki leziz lanetlerle beslenmesi ve onlara, soyut ve tamamına ermiş bir halde, kendi düşmüşlüklerinin ya da kendi sayıklamalarının suretini vermesi gerekirdi; özellikle de şarkının eşliğinde pes etmesi ve ilhamın berisinde yaşayan, ezgi olarak şair olmamanın pişmanlığını yaşaması gerekirdi. –gözyaşı ilmine, yürek taşmalarına, biçimsel sefahat âlemlerine, anın ölümsüzlüklerine vakıf olmamanın pişmanlığını…” Cioran ile karşılaşma şansım olsaydı tek soru sormak isterdim! “Felsefe yoğun bakımdan çıktı mı?
Yazar ve kendini beğenmişlik ile ilgili sanırım doğru bir orantı var. Ego ile ilgili bu durum yazarın zaafı mı yoksa özel ve özgün bir farklılığı mı tam olarak çözebilmiş değilim, ama sanırım bu durum muhatapların muhataplarıyla olan görünür olmayan iletişimleri ile ilgili olabilecek IQ düzeyiyle alakalı olsa gerek. Belki de böylesi bir ruh hali tecrübenin ve güçlü bir öngörünün getirisidir. Neticede farklı olanların farklı olanı yaratabilme olasılığı daha fazladır diye düşünüyorum. Yaratıcı/özgün yazarları kurcaladıkça sanki sürekli bu sorun çıkıyor karşımıza. Bu konuda E.A.Poe, ‘Yazının Felsefesi’ deneme kitabında (Kafekültür Yayınları, 2015) yazarın önündeki en büyük engelin, “Yazarın kibri” olduğunu söylüyor. Aynı kitapta şöyle de diyor: “Ben bir -etkiyi- göz önünde tutarak işe başlamayı tercih ederim.”. Tabii yazmaya başlama tarzı yazardan yazara değişebiliyor haliyle, birileri tepki ile ya da kalbi duygularla vs. ile de başlayabilir. Devam eder Poe: “Metni/eseri genişletmek her türlü ilerlemeye denk gelen bütünlük kaybına hizmet eder.” Anladığım şu; uzun uzadıya yazmak veya gereksiz yere metni uzatma çabaları ters tepebilir. Bir hayal gücü deryası olan Poe kısa öykünün de piridir, fakat roman başlı başına geniş bir metin, uzun metrajlı bir filmdir.
Koca bir edebiyat çınarı olan Yaşar Kemal’in “Dağın Öte Yüzü” üçlemesinin ilki olan “Ortadirek” romanına bakalım. Köylünün kendi bilinçaltlarında yarattıkları miti ve bu mitten kurtuluş ummalarına… Meryemce oğluna duyduğu öfkenin ağırlığı altında içi içini yerken onu doğurduğu anı anımsıyor birden, “Sırma saçlarına, güzel kara gözlerine kurban olduğum. Geliyor. Korkusu geçti. İçine güven geldi. Öfkesi yeniden kabarmaya başladı. Çocukken, el kadar bir et parçasıyken, Durmuş’un deli avradı gibi ümüğünü sıkıp da mezarlığa atmadım da o et parçacığını. Boku daha tırnaklarımın arasında durur. Uykusuz gecelerim, vay! Vay emeklerim vay!” Yaşar Kemal, Karacaoğlan’ın, Dadaloğlu’nun izi olduğu kadar Homeros ve Joyce’un da elidir aslında… Joyce da kendine göre Homeros’un elinin izidir. Georgi Lukacs bir denemesinde, “Cervantes’ten Dostoyevski’ye, Stendhal’e değin bütün büyük romancılar Homeros’un öz oğullarıdır.” der; Yaşar Kemal de bunların en ileri gelenlerindendir. Evet, Yaşar Kemal de bir anlatıcı olarak Homeros’un mirasçılarındandır. Kendini aşmış büyük yazarların tamamı Homeros’un kapısını çalmıştır herhalde! Bir sır daha vereyim; Bilinç Akışı Anlatım tekniğinde Homeros’un yerini hasta/içe kapanık/dışa tepkili, özünde kendi hayat geçmişini ve düşlerini yazan, zengin bir aile çocuğu olan ama oldukça sıkı bir edebiyatçı olan Proust almıştır.
Hep kibir diyorum, daha önce de dile getirdiğim halde tekrar hatırlatmak istiyorum; toplumun aydınlanmasında, kültür sanat ihtiyacında başı çeken ve üretimleriyle başı çekmesi gereken yazar/çizer/düşünür/sanatçı vs. çırpınırken toplumun/topluluğun, gözünü/kulağını/kalbini kapatıp feodal/cahil kalmada direnmesi aklı/onuru/tarafsızlığı başında olan kimi çıldırtmaz ki? Kibir tersi bir örnekle W.Woolf’a kulak verelim: “…Yazacak hiçbir şey yok; yalnız içimde yazıp kurtulmak için dayanılmaz huzursuz kaynaşmalar. İşte burada kayama zincirlenmişim; hiçbir şey yapmamaya zorlanmışım; her endişenin, garazın tedirginliğin, saplantının tenimi kanırtmasına, pençelemesine, yeniden gelmesine izin vermek üzere lanetlenmişim… (Bir Yazarın Günlüğü)” Yaratma/yaratamama/tıkanma sancısının acı tarafı böyledir işte, böyle samimice olmalıdır. Yeri gelmişken Joyce’u da tekrar analım, “…Gönül ister/Beden halsiz… (Ulysses)”
Henüz üç yaşına basmadan anne ve babasını kaybetmiş olan Poe’nun da alkol ile başı dertteydi, kırk yaşında çekip gitti. Stephen King, “Yazma Sanatı” kitabında açık açık bir dönem alkol ve uyuşturucu kullandığını itiraf ediyor. Cioran, “Söyleşiler” kitabında bir dönem viski içmeyi çok sevdiğini ve viski içecek parası olmadığından dolayı gelen içkili etkinlik/toplantı tekliflerine katılmayı kabul ettiğini itiraf ediyor. Aynı Cioran yazabilmesi için içki içmesi gerektiğini söyleyen Hemingway’in “içtikçe daha iyi yazdığı” tezini de saçma buluyor. Kime, neden inanacağımı bilemez durumdayım. Kocaman yazarlar bilinçaltlarından yazabilmek için ne tür tehlikeleri/tahribatları/çelişkileri göze almışlar. Dikkatimi çeken en önemli ortak noktaları ise ne alkol ne de uyuşturucudur, istisnasız büyük yazarların tamamı birer kitap kurdu, yaraları var, acıları var ve kıvranıyorlar… F. Pessoa, “Çöküş, bilinçaltının tamamen yitirilmesi demektir, çünkü bilinçaltı yaşamın temelidir. (Huzursuzluğun Kitabı, Can yayınları, sayfa;27)”
Zekânın yanında kitap kurdu olma ile ilgili bilim dünyasına yön veren dehalara da bakalım, çünkü zeki yaratıcıların yazar veya bilim insanı olması sonucu çok da değiştirmiyor. N.Tesla’nın bir dönem kumar alışkanlığı edinip bazen yirmi dört saat oynadığı söylenir. Bu dönemde okuldan atılır. “Tesla günde iki saat yatardı… Ruh eşi olduğuna inandığı bir domuza duyduğu aşk hakkında uzun uzun yazdı. (Dahilerin Tuhaf Dünyası, Melissa A. Schilling, S: 47, Paloma Yayınları, Ekim 2020)” Tesla’nın bu davranışını sorgulamaya gerek yok, çünkü şu cümle de Tesla’nındır: “İnsanları sevmiyorum ama insanlığı seviyorum!” IQ’su 160 ile 190 arasında tahmin edilen Einstein gibi Tesla’nın da sosyal çevresi çok dardı ve çok az arkadaşı vardı.
Yaratma, üretme azmi ile ilgili bilim çevrelerine bakmaya devam edersek, mesela Benjamin Franklin, kardeşi hastalanıp idrarını yapmakta zorlanınca ABD’de kullanılan ilk idrar sondasını icat etmiştir.
Einstein: “Yalnız olun. Böylece hakikati araştırmaya vaktiniz olur.” Bilim insanları da tıpkı yazarlar gibi çalışır değil mi? “Einstein, cümlelerini yüksek sesle dillendirmeden önce kusursuz hale getirmek adına içinden birden fazla tekrarlamaktan hoşlanırdı. (Dâhilerin Tuhaf Dünyası)” Yalnız düşünmenin veya çalışmanın edebiyatçılar açısından da ne kadar önemli ve elzem olduğunu tartışmaya gerek yok sanırım. Kafka, Dickinsen, Kipling vb. en iyi yalnız kurtlardandı…
E. Musk, bilim kurgu ve fantezi kitapları düşkünüydü, günde ortalama on saat kitap okurdu. Başkalarının ne dediğine aldırış etmezdi. İlk video oyununu henüz on iki yaşında iken üretip sattı. A.Einstein daha 26 yaşında iken yazdığı makalelerle bilim dünyasının uzay, zaman, kütle ve enerji anlayışını darmadağın edip kuantum fiziğini tahta geçirmeye başladı. Otoriteye baş eğmediği için, takmadığı için o dönemde başvurduğu bütün fizik bölümleri onu reddetmişti, fakat Nobel fizik ödülünü de aldı.
Steve Jobs, hemen her gün aynı kıyafetleri giyermiş, evinde mobilya yokmuş, arabasına plaka takmazmış, arabasını engellilere ayrılan yerlere park edermiş. Yenilikçi yaratıcıların yapısı genelde normal bir kişiliğe veya sosyaliteye uymaz, yani sadece zeki olmaları yaratıcılıklarına yetmeyebiliyor. Bilimin ve sanatın gelişip çeşitlenmesi için çoğu zaman zekanın yanında sıradışılık da gerekebiliyor.
Edebiyat bazen sonuç getirici bir ilaçtır; kine/nefrete/karamsarlığa/köleci bir ruha/ hayalsizliğe/sevgisizliğe/aşksızlığa/bencile/çıkarcıya/haksıza/zulme vs. karşı kurşungeçirmez bir yelek veya bariyerdir; okurun hayatına çok elit anlamlar katan, yön veren, zenginleştiren bir güçtür. Bu yüzden hiçbir rejim veya inanç bağımsız bir şekilde yazan bir yazarı sevmez, sevmemiştir, çünkü edebiyat/yazar bazen tek kelime ile bazen tek cümle ile iktidarların/inançların beyinlerine/yaşamlarına ipotek koymaya çalıştıkları bireyi veya kitleyi uyandırabilir. Mesela, “Hasretinden prangalar eskittim.” Mesela, “Yaşamak, bir ağaç gibi tek ve hür; ve bir orman gibi kardeşçesine…”
Anlatacağın her ne ise hikâyenin derinine, köküne in, bilincinin akışına sığın ama şımarmadan ve küstahlaşmadan… Cervantes, “Cümlelerinizin, paragraflarınızın, sade bir şekilde, anlamlı, açık, yerinde kelimelerle, fikrinizi mümkün olduğunca canlandırması, düzgün ve renkli olması için uğraşın; kavramlarınızı karmaşık, karanlık hale getirmeden anlatın. Ayrıca hikâyelerinizle hüzünlü kimseleri neşelendirmeye, neşelilerin neşesini artırmaya çalışın; saf kimseleri kızdırmayın, zeki kimseleri yeniliğinize hayran bırakın, ciddi kimseleri küçümsemeyin, ihtiyatlı kimseleri de övmeyi ihmal etmeyin…” Galiba bu yüzden Cervantes, Don Kişot’tur; Don Kişot da Cervantes, ama daha çok Don Kişot… Uçuk göründüğü kadar çok sesli, gerçekçi, aynı zamanda şiirsel…
Büyük oynamak, büyük olmak için işi bilmek de yetmiyor çoğu zaman. Orwell, Hemingway, London vs. savaşı bizzat yaşamak lazım belki, belki de yukarıda bahsettiğim Poe’nun yazgısı! Ya da varlıktan yokluğa bir göç, güçlü bir insan ve doğa gözlemi/sevgisi; mesela Yaşar Kemal… Yaşar Kemal güçlü doğa sevgisi ile ve muazzam gözlem ve analiz gücüyle Çukurova’yı bilmeseydi/yaşamasaydı acaba şu paragrafı yazabilir miydi, “Akdeniz kıyılarında toprak da deniz gibi dalgalanır, köpürür. Geniş ova da, ulu Toroslar da Akdeniz kadar mavi, Akdeniz kadar ışıklıdır. Akdeniz’in üzerinde ne kadar ışık kaynarsa, ovanın da, Torosun da üstünde öylesine ışıklar balkır. Dağlar nasıl kaya, çam, çiçek kokularıyla yüklüyse, geniş, düz ova da, toprak, deniz, turunç, limon, kokularıyla yüklüdür ve yılın her gününde gebe toprak çılgıncasına ağzını açmış, verimden delirmiş, gerinerek baharı, Torosun göndereceği baharı bekler. (İnce Memed 4)” Yaşar Kemal, sağ gözünü daha üç buçuk yaşında iken bir kurban kesimi sırasında halasının kocasının elindeki bıçağın kayarak gözüne saplanması sonucu kaybetmiştir; daha dört yaşında iken babası camide, gözü önünde ağabeyi diye bildiği evdeki besleme Yusuf tarafından öldürülmüştür. Acıyı, ağrıyı, ihaneti, yokluğu bilmeden/yaşamadan dile getirip bir bedene büründürmek öyle yazdım bitti ile olmuyor, kolay da değildir -Allah vergisi!- dedikleri piyango bileti şansı dışında ki bu durumda da ben şansa değil öze inanırım. Şimdiye kadar bu bileti cebinde taşıyabilen ve cebindekini kâr hanesine yazmayı başaran tek bir yazar tanıdım/bildim; Mo Yan… Ya Nobel komisyonunu kandırmış ya da Nobel komisyonu kanmış…
Bilinç Akışı Anlatım Tekniği’nde doğru akan tek şey zamandır; gıdım gıdım, milim milim akıp kayda geçiriliyor. Bunun en iyi örneği de Ulysses’tir. Yazar zaman akışından hiç tasarruf etmemiştir ve akan zamandan/zihinden ne yakalamışsa hiç dokunmadan kayda geçirmiştir ve o yüzden darmadağındır. Eski usul sinema filmlerini hatırlayalım; eğer akan binlerce karenin yüzde onu yakalanabilmişse Ulysses olur, yüzde yirmi yakalanmışsa Mrs. Dalloway olur, yakalanabilen yüzde otuz civarı ise, “Bir Kış Gecesi Eğer Bir Yolcu” olur… Yüzde otuz gibi bir oran fena değildir, çünkü yüzde on’a göre kopukluklar ve çağrışımlar daha az olur. Çağrışımsal edebiyat/anlatım tekniği sadece yazarın aklından geçenleri yazmak değildir; yazdıkları, çağrışımsal açıdan birbiriyle ne kadar alakalı/bağlantılı? Bu noktalara bakmak lazım, çünkü bu noktalarda matematiksel ve görünmez bir hesap kitap vardır. Fernando Pessoa’nın Can Yayınları’ndan çıkan, ‘Huzursuzluğun Kitabı’nın ikiyüzkırkbirinci denemesi:
“Işığa aşırı yavaş bir sarılık hâkim olmuştu, kirli, soluk bir sarı. Varlıkların arasındaki boşluklar büyümüştü ve yeni bir düzene göre dizilmiş olan sesler gelişigüzel çınlayıp duruyordu. Seslerin duyulmasıyla, çıt diye kırılıvermişçesine kesilmesi bir oluyordu. Galiba artmış olan sıcaklık, saf haldeki sıcaklık buz kesmişti adeta. Hafifçe aralanmış iç panjurlardan, diklemesine uzanan o yarıktan, görünürdeki tek ağacın duruşu, abartılı bir umutla bekleyişi görülüyordu. Yeşili farklıydı, sessizliği içmiş bir yeşildi. Atmosferde bir takım taç yapraklar kapanıyordu. Ve uzayın terkibinde, düzlemlere denk gelen bir şeylerin arasındaki farklı bir bağlantı yüzünden, seslerin, ışıkların ve renklerin boşluğu kullanma biçimi değişmiş, paramparça olmuştu.”
Bu metindeki çağrışımsal motif, ‘ses’ faktörüdür, “Saf haldeki sıcaklık buz kesmişti!” buzun kesilmesi sesini çağrıştırıyor. Ağacın duruşu ses ile alakalıdır (abartılı bir umutla bekleyişi…), “Sessizliği içmiş bir yeşildi!” ses ile alakalı bir çağrışımdır. “Atmosferde bir takım taç yapraklar kapanıyordu.” Kapanmak ‘ses’ meselesini çağrıştırıyor. Renk metaforu ayrı bir muamma. Kitabın tamamı bu güçte değil ama, çoğu denemeler dümdüz yazılmış. Pessoa, ele aldığı herhangi bir konu hakkında düşüncelerini yazmış sadece.
Bir örnek de ben vermek istiyorum, “Şelale kızgın bir şekilde gümbürdüyordu…” Bilinç alanımıza bu cümleyi çektiğimizde şelale varlığı yüzünden doğayı, kızgın şelale betimlemesi yüzünden ruh halini, gümbürdüyordu olayı sayesinde ses faktörünü çağrıştırıp bu çağrıştırdıklarımızı da bilinç alanımıza çekmiş olmuyor muyuz? Ya da, “Karlar erimeye başlamıştı.” cümlesi bize ilkbaharı çağrıştırmıyor mu? Daha gizil bir şekilde soğukların kırılmaya başladığını, otların yeşermeye başladığını da hayal etmiş olmaz mıyız?
Pessoa’nın nasıl yazdığına da bakalım: “Kelimeler benim için elle tutulur bedenler, gözle görünür denizkızları, ete kemiğe bürünmüş duyarlılıklardır.” Evet, duyarlılık… Duyarlılık, toplumun, hayatın farkında olan ve bu farkındalığın sorumluluğunu yüreklerinde hisseden edebiyatçıların yazmaya dair en kıymetli sır ve şifreleridir. Pessoa’yı izlemeye devam edelim: “Çoğunlukla düşünmeye kalkışmadan, dışımdan gelen bir düşe kendimi bırakarak yazıyorum. Kelimelerin beni bir çocukmuşum gibi sevip okşamasını bekliyorum. O an, anlamsız, marazi cümleler akmaya başlıyor, birbirlerine karıştıkları nehri unutan, hiç durmadan değişerek, sonsuzca kendi kendinin yerine geçerek sınırsızlaşan, hissedebilen suların kıvraklığı ile düşünceler, imgeler dile getirildikleri için ürpererek bir düşüncenin aya benzer lekesinin hafifçe titrediği, solgun ipeklilerden sesli kafileler halinde geçerler içimden.” Böylesi yorumlardan sonra içimden geçen şu cümle oldu, “Nar tane, nur tane; çarşıdan aldım bir tane…”
Çağrışımsal roman edebiyatını “Anti Roman” olarak da adlandırıyor birileri; bu terimin bende uyandırdığı çağrışım, çocukluğumdan hatırladığım, “tembel teneke!” lafıdır. Kuralsızlık çekicidir beyni özgür/uçuk yaratıcılar için, eyvallah! Ama doğacak sonuç? Gövdesi bir biçimcilikse eğer veya popülist bir kaygı ise çer çöp değer kazanır maalesef. Bilgiyi, tecrübeyi “edebiyat” adı altında çer çöp şeklinde işlemek edebiyat dünyasına bir şey kazandırmayacaktır kanımca.
Var olmak için önce yok olmak gerekir ama bu sürecin de kuralları/aşamaları/disiplinleri vardır. Anti Roman düttürü dünya gibi bir şeyse eğer; tutmayacak o iş! İşin piri olan ustaya başvuracağız: Marcel Proust… . Yetinmeyeceğiz, ardıllarını takibe devam edeceğiz; Julio Cortazar’ın “Seksek” adlı edebiyat festivali olan romanına bilet keseceğiz.
Bence Bilinç Akışı Anlatım Tekniği sadece çağrışımsal bir anlatım veya yazarın anlık düşündüklerini kâğıda bodoslama döktüğü bir edebiyat tekniği değildir, olmamalıdır. Hadi en ılımlı ihtimal; bari ikisinin karışımı/sevişimi olsun. Sek içemem, ama Sek Sek olarak krallar gibi içerim çağrışımsal roman edebiyatını… Bu sefer kahramanımız J.Cortazar (Can Yayınları, sayfa 34): “Önce, iç kanama, sıcacık yanması insanın içten içe ya da iç tepmesi gibi olmuştu; içten dayak yeme; cebinde mavi kaplı pasaportun varlığını duyumsamak gereği; otel anahtarının duvar panosunda asılı ve güvende olması! Korku, bilemeyiş, şaşkınlık; böyle diyebilir insan kendine, budur da zaten; şimdi şu kadın gülümseyecek, bu yolun bitiminde Botanik Bahçesi başlıyor… Paris; kirli bir aynaya iliştirilmiş Klee’nin bir deseniyle bir kartpostal sanki. Bir akşam Cherche-Midi sokağında ortaya çıkmıştı la Maga, Tombe Issoire Sokağı’ndaki evime dönüşte elimde her zaman bir çiçek, Klee’den ya da Miro’dan bir desen olurdu, eğer parasızsam yolda parktan kuru bir çınar yaprağı alırdım…”.
Sekmeliyiz, Sek Sek oynamalıyız… Belki o zaman sek bir hayattan/anlamdan/projelerden kurtulma şansımız olur, belki de sek/sek sek bir tavırdan kurtulmamalıyız, bilakis ab-ı hayatı sekerek de olsa sek içmeliyiz. Tek renk, tek ekmek, tek emek, tek düşünmek; olmadı hayat! Hiçbir zaman! Ve hiç olmayacak… Senin istemen yetmez çünkü, bizlerin de istemesi lazım ve düşlerimiz çok renkli/çoğul renklidir, davranışlarımız da öyle!
Pessoa denemesi: “Her şey başkalarına ait, sahip olmamanın hüznü hariç.
İğneyi ver bana… Bugün evde o hafif ayak sesleri eksik, bir de nerede olduğunu bilemeyişim var, onun, ayrıca kıvrımlar, renkler, iğnelerle gerçekleştirebildiklerinin. Dikişleri artık sonsuza kadar komodinin çekmecelerine hapis -haddinden fazla bu çekmeceler- annemin boyuna sarılmış hayali kolların sıcaklığı ise hiçbir yerde yok.”(Huzursuzluğun Kitabı, Sıkıntılı Gecenin Senfonisi adlı denemeden)
Toplumsal veya sosyal normalitelerle uyuşmasa da yasak ilişkisinin öğrenildiği gün ikinci defa nobeli aldığını bildiren bir telgraf alan; uranyumdan dört yüz kat güçlü olan polonyumu ve on milyon kat daha radyoaktif olan radyumu bulan Marie Curie hemen ertesinde Nobel komitesinden birinin ödül törenine gelmemesi talebine cevaben:
“Anlattıklarınıza cevaben şu sonucu çıkarıyorum. Stockholm Akademisi bu durumdan önceden haberdar olsaydı ben maruz kaldığım saldırılara bir açıklık getirmedikçe, muhtemelen ödülü bana vermemeyi kararlaştıracaktı. Bu nedenle kendi yargılarıma göre hareket etmek zorundayım. Tavsiye ettiğiniz davranış şekli, benim için ciddi bir hata olur. Radyum ve polonyumu keşfettiğim için ödüle layık görüldüm. Bilimsel çalışmalarımla özel hayatım arasında hiçbir bağlantı olmadığına inanıyorum. Prensip olarak bilimsel bir çalışmanın değerinin özel hayatla ilgili iftira ve hakaretlerden etkilenebileceği fikrini kabul edemem. Bu görüşümün birçok insan tarafından paylaşıldığına eminim.” Curie, Stockholm’e gitti ve ödülünü aldı.
Sonuç mu? Gerçek bir yazar ile gerçek bir bilim insanı arasında sadece tercih ve algı farkı vardır belki de…
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